I woke up this morning and my first thoughts were of Joe Kinneman. He was my step-father and was married to our mother for over 30 years. Just the thought of him whistling Jingle Bells and smiling that “cat that ate the canary” smile of his turned me into a kid again, just like it did when he was here. He was the master of Christmas surprise and merriment. I miss him always, but it’s at Christmas that I still mourn his passing. I don’t really regret it for him, but for us. I notice that the lights don’t sparkle quite as brightly. This happens every year, only for a moment. Just long enough to feel him near and let him know that I wish that he could be here with us again.  Anyone that knew him would agree, Christmas isn’t the same without him. I close my eyes and can still see him and when the wind blows just softly enough, I can still hear his laughter. It was the love of one man that changed my Christmases for as long as I live. 

I think I must have been around 4 years old. We were all there, at my grandma’s, for Christmas morning. All of the excitement that could live in a little girl’s heart was there, in mine. I can still smell the cinnamon rolls from grandma’s kitchen but it was the brightly wrapped packages that held my attention. My mom and grandma had been sewing for months to create the perfect Christmas surprises for two little girls, born 18 months apart. I remember opening that box to find a pink tutu, sparkly pink and I couldn’t stand the wait to put it on. I stood before grandma’s full length mirror and was instantly transformed into a beautiful ballerina. Up on my toes I went and turn and turn and turn. That was Christmas magic. And that magic was created by two women that loved us so much. I’m 63 years old and I remember every bit of that.

I had two children, was a single mom, and was spending every penny that I made on bills and food. We had an old beater of a car, in fact, it had holes in the floor board and it’d get my shoes wet as I drove to work in the rain.  One year, Christmas was looming and the light of the season was dimming. How was I going to create a Christmas morning for my babies when I didn’t have any money? That year I dreaded Christmas and everything about it. I felt weak and powerless. I went to get the mail one day just a week before Christmas and there was a letter from my Aunt Mim and a check for $500. That was the first time that I saw answered prayer appear in daylight and in real time. She had saved Christmas for my little family of three. The love of one woman changed everything.

Today, yesterday’s Christmases opened their doors and beckoned me to come in for a visit. I’m so glad that I did. It just reminded me that all it takes is love to change someone’s life for the better. Just someone to care enough to try can change everything. I’ve been blessed in my life. I’ve been surrounded by love since the day I was born. I wonder if they knew what a difference they made in my life. I want to do that for the people that I love. I want them to remember me when the lights twinkle on their trees…years and years from now and think, My God how she loved us.   Remember how she used to walk around singing Jingle Bells……….?????